A Small Announcement and a Song

The Announcement:

I won't be putting up a new chapter this week.  There are about a thousand things I'm juggling over the next several days, so for my general sanity, I'm taking a week off from Liz and the Children of the Rose.  Also, I want to actually give you guys a decent story and I just don't feel like I can put the time into it that I need to this week.

HOWEVER, this doesn't mean I'll be quiet.  I'm going to instead treat you to a few behind-the-scenes posts.

So here's your first one for this week.

A Song:

I have this thing I do when I'm writing...which is also an excuse to procrastinate.  I always make a playlist of songs for that particular project.  And inevitably one or two of those songs become that novel's "theme song" of sorts in my head.

So here's one of those theme songs for Nor the Battle.

Meet Jackie

I have to admit that Jackie was probably the hardest character for me to write in this story. It wasn't that she didn't come into my mind as solidly as other characters (in fact, Jackie was the first main character who came into existence for me after Liz). It wasn't that she had something wrong with her or that her voice was difficult for me to put to paper. It wasn't that I had to change her in any way. None of those things were problems with Jackie (but are problems I have had with other characters, both in this story and in others).
The problem with Jackie--what made her so fundamentally difficult for me to write--was that she has two very different personalities.

I know what you're saying. Liz has two different personalities too. She changes in the cult. And, yes, that's true, but I experienced Liz's change along with her. It was a gradual change. Jackie, however, comes into the story already in the cult, already changed, and the only taste you get of her actual personality isn't until much later (or in the "present day" scenes). Other than Liz, Jackie is the only character whose personality is so drastically different throughout the story, but unlike Liz you don't get to really know what Jackie's personality was ever like before she entered the cult.

Research and the Summer of Freaking Out My Family

When I first sat down to write Liz's story, for a little while I didn't have too much trouble when it came to knowing the general structure and behavior of cults.  I had read novels centered around cults before, and from that had developed a marginal, general interest in them.  So while that marginal, general interest was developing, I would sometimes stumble upon an article about a cult, or some factoid, or a Wikipedia article, and all of that marginal, general knowledge just kind of got stored in the back of my mind and is what fed the first few chapters of the first draft.

I then hit a point in the first draft where, even though I'd actually outlined pretty much the entire story (which I needed to do, because of needing two timelines), I couldn't move myself forward.  I struggled with the wall I had hit for a good few months, but for a long time I couldn't figure out what was causing my writers block.  I had the outline in front of me--I knew exactly where Liz was, where Liz needed to go, how Liz needed to get there, and what was going to happen to her in the end.  There was absolutely no excuse for me to be so stuck.

Magazine articles and photocopies that made up a bulk of my marginal, general knowledge.

Meet Liz

Unsurprisingly, Liz McLancy was the first character that came into my head for this story (which is likely why it's her story).  In the middle of my Philosophy class sophomore year of college, she just came slinking into my head and started talking.

What did she tell me about that day?

She told me that there was a family reunion she didn't want to go to, that she didn't want to return to her childhood home because there was something from her teenage years that was still haunting her, and that she and her older sister had been outnumbered in the decision to come back.  So come back she did, with her own family.

I knew nothing more than that.  At that time, I had no idea what was holding her back from returning home.  I had no idea what her demons were.

Granted, for the entire first draft, the "present" version of Liz was married and had two daughters, but something changed the more I thought about it.  And that's exactly what she says in the opening of the story--she doesn't know exactly what Eric is to her, she doesn't know the term, because she'll never get married again.  (You'll find out more about that in a while.)

Several things about Liz never changed, though.  She's a quiet girl who feels like she falls into the background, even in her own family.  She looks up to her older sister, Jackie, which is what inevitably gets her into the sticky situation you see her getting into.  She's uncertain about her own beliefs about anything, but in particular anything regarding religion--but she's so desperate to fit in somewhere, to be part of something, to be more than a shadow, that she's willing to try to believe in anything.  And, in the glimpses into the "present", she has demons that she does not want to face, but that she must.

Of course, I won't tell you about all of her demons.  You've only just begun to see the root of them--this is when things start to get a little interesting.  Hopefully, her strange behavior in the "present" sections, her exaggerated reactions to what may seem like everyday situations, these will become explained as you see what she experiences within the Children.

And in case you're wondering, Liz is entirely the reason for the novel's title.  She's not strong--not in a traditional sense, and often not even in an emotional or mental sense.  She's able to be easily manipulated and it takes her some time to find any kind of strength in the situation she'll find herself in.  But this battle is entirely her own.